I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
