NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
