the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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