sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
