i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
