He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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