You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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