I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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