when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
