I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
