I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
