Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
