Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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