Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
