I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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