sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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