She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
