you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
