I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
