I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
