when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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