did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
