filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
