Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
