whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
