hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
