I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
that's an acceptable place to lick
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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