Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
