You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
