Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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