just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
