The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
