Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
