return my video game
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
