I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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