Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
