C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I still have a little drunk in my system
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
