I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
