i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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