did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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