I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
