Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
