I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My feet surprised me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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