69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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