I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
