hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
