You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
