they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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