She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
