Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
