Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
