we have pet lesbian snakes
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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